What people say about my book, and how I interpret it.

I’m truly humbled that someone spent hours of their day reading my writing. And I love nothing more than to hear people’s thought’s on my book, both on and offline. But sometimes those comments are backhanded. Or I’m a cynical asshole. Probably the latter.

Below are comments I’ve received, and what I really think the person is saying…

[table]

What people say. How I interpret it.
I read your book in a day! Did you crank that thing out in a week? I paid $20 for this! I wanted to labor over your book for weeks, if not months!! Editing is for pussies.
It was an easy read. You have the vocabulary of a 3rd grader. Take those residuals and buy yourself a thesaurus.
It wasn’t that funny. You think you’re funny? Well I’m much funnier! I could have written a funnier book on this exact topic. If I wanted to. But I’m too busy writing critical reviews of people’s creative endeavors.
You published a book? Like a real book? Any hack can self-publish nowadays. Anyone can get on Amazon. Did you get a REAL publisher? I thought landing a publishing deal was difficult. I guess not.
You really put yourself out there! Phil, you’re embarrassing yourself. And our family.
I bought your book, and it better be funny!!!! 🙂 I’m a douchebag!!
You should write the book “How to divorce a Finnish girl”!! Hey, here’s something that’s clever, funny, and totally original!!
I could never write a book. Phil, you have way too much time on your hands. Seriously, get a life.
It should have had more of “this”, and less of “that”!! Why didn’t you write your book EXACTLY the way I wanted you too?!? Don’t you care about what I want!?!
There were typos! If you don’t know the difference between “desert” and “dessert”, how the hell are you able to write an entire book? This is clearly your editor’s fault, but I’ll blame it on the author.
Frankly, I didn’t like it. I am in pain and full of hate! I put my cries for help in the comments section of Amazon.com!!

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