It’s not me. Though I’ve been accused of it several times.
I take it as the ultimate compliment my colleagues, and security team. But I’m just not that funny. And I wouldn’t want to risk losing my job! Ooops.
Nokia’s controversial CEO Stephen Elop has not one, but TWO, parody Twitter accounts (@ceoStephenElop and @fakeselop). And both are terribly funny. They have thousands of followers and thousands of others too afraid to publicly follow them.
While they’re two separate writers, they have much in common. The ghost writers have yet to reveal themselves, so let’s summon the spirit of Angela Landsbury and smoke these pranksters out.
He knows Verizon, he must be American. Even Americans don’t know Verizon…
Verizon Lumia 822 ad: 1) Robot eats a hipster, 2) live tile then eats the robot, 3) live tile barfs out 4G LTE in the form of lightning.
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) October 11, 2012
With geek speak like that, he’s a he…
Android is like a FAT file system – extremely fragmented.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) November 18, 2011
An intranet joke…
The People hub makes it remarkably easy for @ceoballmer to steal my Lumia 920 and drunk-dial the entire Nokia board. #smokedbywindowsphone
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) September 6, 2012
He’s a disgruntled employee…
There have been reports of us losing top talent to Google. But no worries! They are actually Trojan horses. I trained them myself.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) November 15, 2011
He probably has an iPhone as his second phone. For “testing purposes only” of course…
Lumia is out, but unfortunately iPhone is in.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) November 15, 2011
He watches Saturday Night Live clips on Sunday. Or attempts to…
Considering legal action against @nbc for violating our patent for “a method of preventing users from watching streaming video.”
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) July 28, 2012
A “Billy Madison” reference!? No Englishman would be caught dead watching an Adam Sandler movie…
If using Android 4.1 is peeing your pants to stay warm, then peeing you pants is the coolest.
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) June 27, 2012
He’s not Jewish…
Lumia is a perfect Christmas present. Nobody expects it.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) December 18, 2011
He’s up on all the latest Nokia news…
Buy our bonds! We’ll totally pay you back, I promise!
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) October 23, 2012
He knows “Series 60”, so he’s old school Nokia…
Series 60 didn’t mean that you should buy 60 phones. Agree on N9, that’s why I killed MeeGo. You should try our Lumia range.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) August 23, 2012
More Ohio jokes…
Asking press to book connecting flights to Cleveland so we can announce new phones from a burning platform floating upon the burning river.
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) September 4, 2012
He’s lived in Finland and knows Finnish geography…
It seems that there’s very limited market for used Nokia signs. We are in talks with the city of Nokia, but no other leads yet.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) August 13, 2012
Maybe he’s from the Marketing department…
People wouldn’t complain so much if every Symbian phone came with a free Android phone.
— Fake Stephen Elop (@fakeselop) July 5, 2012
He’s spent time, way too much time, in the Espoo headquarters grill line. Those queues have made me late for many a meeting…
Let’s see if 40% downsizing in Nokia House will help in getting rid of the the cafeteria grill queues.
— Stephen Elop (@ceoStephenElop) August 7, 2012
To sum it up, the two writers are: Nokia employees. Long time employees. Men. Still at Nokia, or just laid off. Once proud Nokians, but not so much today. Not too happy with Elop. American. Tech geeks. Living in Finland. Working in Nokia’s Espoo headquarters. Not Jewish.
Well, after intense investigation, I’ve narrowed it down to, and the culprit is…me!
But alas, it’s not, I’m not that funny. But I’m sure I know whomever the writers are. Maybe they’ll reveal themselves once they get their severance check.
